Life =\

I sit here and see how life has changed so much in such a short time. I recently started school. I’m proud of me for that yet I feel like sometimes it wasn’t a wise decision because in October me and Dustin split up. He told me he wanted to space and to take sometime. Well in that space he’s got another girlfriend. I try to find positive things in this yet it’s really hard. I’ve spent so much time just crying and hurting yet I have faith that in the end we’ll get back together and things will work out. I hear so many love songs that just make me miss him yet I wonder if he thinks those songs fit him and her instead of me and him. I could scream sometimes and then other times I feel like I’d do anything to make him happy… silly huh?! I think so. Yet I love that boy to death and would do anything in the world for him…even now. As you can tell, I'm pretty upset and really down in the dumps about it but I'll get over this.. I'm a suvivor


Sometimes...
Sometimes I think that I could end up never getting married.
Sometimes I think that our pit, Camo, is going to be my only child
Sometimes I lose all patience.
Sometimes I have to make myself eat, yet people think because I’m bigger I always eat.
Sometimes I think that the thoughts in my head are written all over my face.
Sometimes I pretend I'm a singer, then I realize this is reality.
Sometimes I wish that I could go back to High School and do that all over again, just completely differently.
Sometimes I watch the Disney Channel, even when I’m not babysitting.
Sometimes I think about running away.
Sometimes I think that I like it here... and then someone starts running their mouth again.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll always be alone.Sometimes I wish that I had went to college sooner.
Sometimes I blame myself for all my failed relationships Sometimes I try to stop biting my fingernails. and then I start again.
Sometimes I wear flips flops on the coldest of days.
Sometimes I really miss my Papa... and if I think about it too much, I will cry.
Sometimes I am jealous of my friends that have kids, because I want that to be me
Sometimes I write poems.
Sometimes I take pictures of random things.
Sometimes I wish I could go back and fix all the wrongs in the past relationship with Him, only to know something else would have went wrong =[
Sometimes I wish I could still call him to tell him how bad my day went
Sometimes I lose things (okay, most of the time...)
Sometimes I talk out loud as if I’m talking to a person that isn’t even there.
Sometimes I think that there is a person I just can’t see them[angels]
Sometimes I read Cosmopolitan all the way through, twice.
Sometimes I see pregnant females and bust out in tears.
Sometimes I have nightmares.
Sometimes I am a great cook.
Sometimes I think that me cooking is really funny
Sometimes I get overwhelmed with emotions that I’ve held inside.
Sometimes I forget my age.
Sometimes I go shopping when I have nothing in particular to look for.
Sometimes I wish on every possible thing for good luck
Sometimes I spend hours on facebook
Sometimes I regret adding Her to my myspace
Sometimes I like doing laundry just minus the folding/hanging.
Sometimes I catch my self laughing when no one is around.
Sometimes I go through 5 or 6 pair of socks a day.
Sometimes I think about learning to ride a Motorcycle.
Sometimes I take naps and bubble baths.
Sometimes I wish I was a child again to redo certain things all over.
Sometimes I’m afraid to be by myself
Sometimes I want to know what it’s like to have my very own house
Sometimes I dream my future only to wake up and think it won’t ever happen like that
Sometimes I wish that I had a manual or instruction guide for like
Sometimes I am glad that the answers aren’t in front of me
Sometimes there are things that I wish I could take back.
Sometimes I have an issue with letting people walking all over me
Sometimes I am too stubborn for my own good.
Sometimes I doodle random useless things on paper repeatedly.
Sometimes I still doodle his initials =\Sometimes I try to lose weight.
Sometimes I look at the clock at 11:11 for days in a row.
Sometimes I make it church on time.
But just sometimes... not all the time.

^^^stole that from Jae again.. sorry she seems to heal writer's block

Sounds Like Life To Me

Got a call last night from an old friend’s wife
Said I hate to bother you
Johnny Ray fell off the wagon
He’s been gone all afternoon
I know my buddy so I drove to Skully’s
And found him at the bar
I say hey man, what’s going on
He said I don’t know where to start
Sarah’s old car’s about to fall apart
And the washer quit last week
We had to put momma in the nursing home
And the baby’s cutting teeth
I didn’t get much work this week
And I got bills to pay
I said I know this ain’t what you wanna hear
But it’s what I’m gonna say
(Chorus)Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
It sounds like life to me
Well his face turned red and he shook his head
He said you don’t understand
Three kids and a wife depend on me
And I’m just one man
To top it off I just found out
That Sarah’s 2 months late
I said hey bartender set us up a round
We need to celebrate
(Chorus)Sounds like life to me plain old destiny
Yeah the only thing for certain is uncertainty
You gotta hold on tight just enjoy the ride
Get used to all this unpredictability
Sounds like life
Man I know its tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
Sounds like life to me
Sounds like life


::RMW+DWC=LOVE::
We're doing good. Hard sometimes during the week due to not seeing each other but it could be so much horrible, because at least we have the weekends together and we can talk to him at any point I want. I understand I am so blessed because at least he's not overseas like some of my friends other halves. Last weekend we went to one of his best friend's birthday parties. Normally I really wouldn't worry about our relationship and the status of it, but on the way home last Saturday he started mentioning the possible what if's. Usually I would have thought nothing about this but I knew where this all stemmed from. His best friend and him almost dated. I love Samantha as if she's my sister, but in the looks department we're total opposite. Her heaviest weight up until recently (only due to pregnancy) was 125 lbs, I can't remember when I weighed that. I'm probably two of her. She's big boobed and I'm mostly average in that department cause of my weight. She can wake up and be pretty without trying. I of course have spend an hour or so in the bathroom to get that appearance. Well he proceeded to tell me that if anything were to ever happen between me and him and Samantha and Matthew didn't work out he'd take her in, but quickly added it wouldn't be anything like that. Mind you I know he only said that to help my feelings at this point. I have no idea why this hurt me so bad but I felt like he's just stomped all over my chest. Well I mentioned that his best friend dated her first and asked if guys didn't have a best friend rule. He said that he didn't think Jamie would care so he'd still go for it. So I asked what he'd think/feel if Jamie and me were to start dating if something goes wrong between me and him(Dustin), he said he'd be upset but he'd just get over it. Well maybe cause I'm a girl, I understand that the best friend rule. If anything were to ever happen between the two of us, I wouldn't go to any of is friends in hopes of a relationship. Are guys and girls really that different?
　
::Robin Carson?::
While at the party the marriage subject came up. We always shy away from that subject because it makes him so uneasy. He's only 19 years old and I can understand not rushing into that. I'm 21 and this is the first relationship I've been in for more than a year and not got an engagement ring. I think I respect him more for not rushing to the store to get a ring. But Samantha and Jessi both got rings last week so of course that was a very hot topic. I'm more than happy with knowing he's my one for life, but I also want him to be ready for that big commitment. Granted I've already got alot of the wedding planned but if it takes 5-10 years... well 10 is a far stretch but 5 years, yes I'll wait. I'm not really trying to rush him down the aisle or anything. Do I ever get jealous when I hear/see all of my friends beating me to the alter? Yeah but I know that with due time everything will fall into place like it's suppose to.
　
::Money, Money, Money::
Still on the prowl for a job =\. Feel like it's never going to happen. I'm hoping more sooner than later that I'll figure something out. Application after application seem to get more and more discouraged everytime I put one in. I seem to have put one in at every possible place... bars, hospitals, doctors offices, stores, gas stations, clubs, restaurants.... every place possible

Stole this from Jae.. wanted to blog but wasn't sure what to say... so with her assistant this is what came of it

Maybe I should...
motivate myself into being myself again
I love the smell of...
him when he comes home, nail place, cucumber melon, fresh cut watermelon, summer, sweet pea, cherry blossom..etc
People would say that I...
am overly concerned about the little things
When I wake up in the morning...
I should start with a healthy breakfast, or for that matter just a breakfast
I lost my will power to..
try to move forward... I'm seeming to be stuck in a rut
Life is wonderful with...
family, friends, and smiles
My past made me...
the person I am today
I get annoyed when...
people are so judgemental and negative
Parties are not...
something I really every done
Dogs are...
my children. I have 4
Cats…
are not my kinda animal
Tomorrow I am going to…
continue my job search and this time I'm going to continue in faith
I'm totally terrified of...
childish things or so I'm told
I wonder why I thought my life would be...
in such a different place than what it is now
Never in my life...
have I like the word never, I always say not ever
High school was something that...
Wish I could redo it knowing what I know now
Take my advice...
Live life to the fullest, never regret anything because at one point it's what you wanted, dance like noones watching, sing like you're areatha franklin even if you're horrible and enjoy all the little things cause they're what bring the most smiles
Making my bed is…
something that only happens when I change the sheets on the bed
I'm addicted to…
Mountain Dew, The Internet, My Camera, Shopping, Doodling useless things on paper
I want someone…
to love me the old fashion kinda way.. where'd all the chivary go?!?

101 Things in 1001 Days

Start July 1, 2009 End March 27, 2012

Personal-10
Get my GED
Learn to horseback ride
Go to college(RN, Pharm Tech, Beauty School)
Wear make-up 4 out of 7 days
Learn to camp outside
Learn to drive a manual vehicle
Spend more time outside
Learn to love my body
Be my own boss
Ride in a helicopter/airplane

Travel-9
Go on a cruise
Go to the beach
Go to the zoo
Visit Holly
Visit Whitney & the kids (July 2009)
Take Dustin to White Lake in NC
Go the Mountains
Go to TN aquarium
Take a weekend trip to Savannah

Romance-14
A sunset beach walk
5 random dates
Go to a nice dinner (not his idea of nice either... burger joint don't count)
Celebrate 2 year anniversary
Celebrate 3 year anniversary
Celebrate 4 year anniversary
Write a book of love letters
Go to a concert together
Spend a 4 nights out of year camping(0/12)
Go to movies once every 3 months(1/12) (transformers2 july09)
10 surprise dates
Dustin's 20th birthday
Dustin's 21st birthday
Couple time everyday for 30 days

Creativity-7
Organize craft things
Organize pictures into photo box
Finish our scrapbook
Take pictures alll the time
Take my camera with me everywhere
Make scrapbooks for different events
Make a new 101 list

Financial-8
Pay off RBC
Pay off BB&T
Pay off Windstream
Pay off all Medical bills
Open a savings account
Donate ten dollars for every task not completed
Reward myself five dollars for every task completed
Have taxes done by March of every year

Health-16
Have a eye exam
Get new glasses
Try contacts
Take a walk everyday for 2 weeks
Drink only water for 4 weeks
Only one caffine drink a day for a year
Keep an accurate food journal
Get a healthy BMI
Fit into a size 14
Take a dance class
Get belly button pierced after I lose 35 lbs
Get a tattoo for a reward after 75 lbs
Lose 10 pounds
Lose 25 pounds
Lose 50 pounds
Reach goal weight of 150 lbs

Family-8
Have a family picnic every year
Visit Papa's grave once a month
Give 10 just because cards
Tell my family i love them everyday
Family vacation each year
Family portrait 2009
Family portrait 2010
Family portrait 2011

Food-9
Try 5 new foods
Make 5 recipes from scratch
Keep a cook book of all my favorite recipes
Make a family cookbook
Organize all my cookbooks
Learn to make 10 new desserts
Learn how to make 10 new meals
Learn how to put meals together
Start cooking more often at least 4 nights a week

Home-11
Sort through all my clothes
Donate stuff we don't use
Move to a new house
Unpack and be settled in a month
Tidy up each day about 30 minutes
Make a movie list
Start displaying pictures around the house
Buy a house
Paint all the rooms
Create themes in every room
Start a garden(flowers, fruit, vegetables)

Random-9
Read at least one book a month
Buy a new bed
Buy a freezer
Get a massage
Have breakfast in bed
Buy new bathing suit for new weight loss
Get a manicure and pedicure every 3 months
Get new camera after completing 5 things
Figure out what i want in life

Scatterbrained

so i'm actually having quiet time this week and i'm not quite sure if that's a good or bad thing due to now i'm so confused about me and what i want in life etc. At 21 i thought i would have all of this planned and working on creating it and making it happen... where'd I go wrong with that?! still not positive about my career choice, i'm not sure about the future as far as family goes.. i'm just not sure and that shocks me as well as aggravates me. I wanna know what i want in life. i want to be certain that i'm making somewhat of the right decisions some sense of direction. i guess in due time i'll have it all figured out but... really wish it was right now =\

found this on post sceret and thought it was very fitting... looking back at my past and realize that the stupid idiots that thought i was not good enough well pfft on you cause you just made me a better person. i had a lady asked me if me and dustin were planning on getting married, actually for once i'm in no desire to get married right now. we've been together for over a year and yes we've talked about it but we also it won't happen in the next little bit, but we know that we love each other. this is the first time since i was 14 that the guy hasn't proposed to me in a under a year. so that makes me love him even more cause i feel like when he does propose it'll be from the heart cause he's waiting to the right time to do it. i feel like the other guys just done it in hopes of getting more than i was willing or just out of the trend not because they loved me. Out of the 7 times i got a ring i feel like only one was sincere....

My attempt at my start

My name is Robin

I'm 21 years old

I tend to think I have a slight case of OCD

I share my birthday with my aunt and future mother in law

I think my uncles are the most awesomest guys ever

I'm Pretty Spontaneous...

But on the same not I tend to over think things

I'm not fond of big city life...
...yet I want bigger than what I've got

Chocolate doesn't seem to like me much

I love taking pictures

I think pink gerber daisies are the cutest

Frogs are the animal I go nuts for

I have 5 tattoos

they have contain some sort of meaning

I still don't watch scary movies

I only have 1 brother but
I have a stepbrother and stepsister
as well as a bunch of adopted in brothers&sisters

Cell phone-my connection to the world

I think I'm very approachable

I have morals, standards, and expectations...

they are all very high

Ignorance gets on my nerves

Music = my antidrug

I tend to be a bit opinionated at times;

sorry in advance

I'm tired of trends

I hope there is a beach in Heaven

I like to write, even though you'll never read it

I tend to have trust issues

My family & friends mean the WORLD to me..

I'd be lost without them..

I'm very simple, but it takes a lot to win me over

I have the biggest ♥

I enjoy my big family

I could watch The Notebook everyday

I have had the same best friend since Junior High

I don't think I could make it without her

I NEVER make promises I can't keep

I never walk away from something I care about

I sing ALL the time, I don't really care if it bothers you

I speak my mind freely

I HATE .drama.

I can't bowl or rollerskate

Loyalty & Honesty are very important to me

I believe in MIRACLES & even second chances

but not third chances.nope.

I am pretty open-minded

I'm going to do something extraordinary with my life

I can't wait to find out what it is.

On a deserted island: I would take a hammock, a phone, and a book

I do have regrets in life
.:yet they're who made me who I am today:.

mistakes happen. learn from them.

As complicated as I am;

I'm not that difficult to figure out

I've been told that

I'm a certifiable Dork
You won't find many songs that I can't quote
i adore my mother
If I can't do it right, I'm still going to try
I eat chocolate even though I know it gives me migraines
I have more shoes than I will ever wear
I don't like hypocrites, even though I can be one myself at times
I've been at the same church since I was 4
I'm scatter-brained
I laugh at the dumbest things, sometimes even when I am all alone
I dance while I cook, even with no music
My favorite thing about me is my eyes
I have a weakness when it comes to people in need, especially children
I can't say no, even though I probably should sometimes
My mom is my best friend
I want to go to heaven
Alvin and the Chipmunks is my favorite movie
with Dirty Dancing coming in second place
I'd like to go to visit all 50 states...
... so I only have 37 more to go...
I miss my closeness with my friends
I have to be in the frontseat or I'll get sick
Love Tom Petty
and Aerosmith too.
I can sew
just not very well
I bite my fingernails... I have since I was a kid, I can't stop.
Still have issues mopping the floor
Pocahontas has always been my favorite
I just swapped to contacts after 10 years of glasses
I always have music on somewhere
I have most of my wedding details planned out already
I hope I'm a wonderful mother just like my mom
My Biggest Flaw: I judge people before I give them a chance
A Few Fears: Dark, Clowns, Silence
Ah, and that's all I've got right now. More to come.